Believing God

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, and He saves those crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18

Today was a strange day, the first day of summer school, the first time I have watched another teacher take over the students that I put my heart into for the last 9 months and apparently failed. Then came some mind-boggling news; the person who supervised me, who had allowed me to tormented by a school Principal, who was unsuccessful in supervising three experienced teachers, and who has never taught in a public school classroom and does not even have anything but a school pyschologist's credential was named Principal of the special education program that I was once a part of. I, who created a program from the ground up and was successful with six students, among them those with severe behavior problems was non-re-elected (Not re-hired) as were my colleagues who were also under this woman. How does THAT work? I am struggling to forgive, to not be bitter, to move on, then I get this news.

So, maybe I have a bit deeper understanding of what Jesus went through; I am imperfect. I have made mistakes and done things wrong in spite of an overall successful year. Jesus WAS perfect. He did not make any mistakes. He did nothing wrong, yet people fought Him from all sides. He brought a new vision of God, a direct line to the Father, a communion never experienced since Adam and Eve, and they took Him, humiliated Him, beat Him up and murdered Him. The very people who should have been rejoicing in the Great Gift He brought; Jews and Romans alike. Yet in spite of all of this, He can still come to me and tell me that He understands. He knows I am brokenhearted. He knows my spirit is crushed. And He cares. He could point out all my mistakes in this hopeless year, yet He does compare my small wounds with the horrors perpetrated on Him. He says He understands. He feels for me. That He is close to me and will save me. The words of Corrie Ten Boom saying, "There is no pit so deep that God is not deeper still" remind me that even in my darkest, gloomiest hours, God has chosen to stand by me.

Unexpected Gifts

If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in Heaven give good gifts to those who askHim? Matt 7:11

I was maybe seven or eight years old and we had gone to stay with a close friend of my mothers who had just separated from her husband. Of these things, I had no understanding; it was a different world then where separation and divorce were a foreign language that most of us did not speak. We stayed in a motel with that friend and her daughter who was my age. For me, it was exciting, staying in a motel with a kidney-shaped pool. While I liked her daughter, she was also very boring; she did not want to go swimming, so I couldn't either. Then, I was told, we were going to a berry farm. I could think of nothing more mind-numbing than a berry farm where I would watch endless jars of jam being filled and labeled. I whined and moaned about yet another one of the tedious adventures that adults seemed to find so exciting. I complained and pleaded all the way to this place, youthfully insensitive to the feelings of the little family with us. Until we got to the berry farm; Knotts Berry Farm. In trying to keep it a surprise for me, my mother had not told me that the days of canning jellies and jams were long gone replaced by ferris wheels and rollercoasters. I never could have imagined it. 

Even though it is a distant, it is a powerful reminder that although God has not directly told me where He is taking me, it is not necessarily the droll place I expect as I file in prayer complaint after complaint on my way there; it may well be a better place than I ever could imagine.